from the middle

“if you ask God what field He wants you to work in and faithfully serve Him, you’ll experience His grace, love, and joy.” from Warren Wiersbe’s commentary on Ruth

Double meaning here. As I continue my life’s journey, I find myself in a reflective place realizing that my forward progress may in many ways seem like backward motion to those sitting on the outside. I am blessed. I am old enough to have accomplished many of my professional goals and young enough to know that some of them for a high price, a price I am no longer willing to pay.

In 2006, I accepted my dream job, a position that I had sought after for eight years, with an organization that many people would give a body part to work. In 2007, I walked away, disappointed but not broken. So where I have been for the four years now, I would say in the middle, between where I was and where I am going. In the middle, I have accomplished fewer professional goals and a lot more personal goals, and the price was not so high in comparison to the previous professional and personal goals. In 2007 I sat in an office and knew that all I needed was what God wants me to have. No this was not new information, it is, however, the information I tend to forget along the way to accomplishing my goals.

Here a sit, no longer at a crossroad choosing between my will and God’s will. Which brings to the quote above, my light bulb moment with the Book of Ruth the core theme for me is the simple take-away quoted above. I attended college, got a degree and worked in that field and, for the most part, was unfulfilled, well compensated yet unfulfilled. As I look back, I have to admit maybe I spent a lot of time gleaning in the wrong field, sure I experienced God’s grace and love, however, joy was missing. In contrast, while I have been here in the middle, I have found joy, I have experienced many moments of simply enjoying the day. I spent my 20s pushing and pulling many times working against the grain to be big in man’s eye. Now in my 30s I understand how much better it is to be small before man and counted before God.

I will never discount the years gone by, God used, challenged and blessed me, and I needed those years to grow up spiritually. I appreciate the middle because it has allowed me to heal emotionally. Now I believe I am gleaning in the right field, the place where not only grace and love are found, joy abides there as well.

I anticipate new challenges and frustrations on the other side of this middle, I will continue in faith.

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