restless, sleepless…

I showered at 2 AM…

From August 30, 2007, a repost

My current state of being ‘above’ the weather has rendered me sleepless. My current state of disjointedness has rendered me restless. Thus, I have had time to pray, journal and think while most people are sleeping.

After checking in on a few people that have been on my heart lately, I settled in for sleep, let the tossing and turning begin. I eventually conceded that sleep was not coming, and I prayed, read scripture, wrote and thought; in my thoughts is where it got interesting. I started thinking about work, graduate school applications, old friends, new friends, current events. And eventually found myself thinking on CL’s “Yet unfulfilled?,” but not in the context you may be thinking. In the context of my life and this period of yet again practicing patience and wondering what if I made a list of all of the unfulfilled. What if God said I could pick the order in which I received the unfulfilled, what would I pick? From the unfulfilled I found myself laying silently in the reality that I am not doing my purpose and wondering what exactly is it I suppose to persevering through and then whole notion freedom and what it looks like. At 2:45 AM I turned the light back on read Psalm 34 and found enough peace to get 2 hours of sleep.

Psalm 34 (NIV) selected…

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;

The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

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