I find myself more and more standing on the foundation of Grace and Mercy, not a bad foundation I must admit, yet I am so overwhelmed and easily annoyed. In a word, I am prickly. And because life is quite exhaustive I am forced to see the blessings in the little things while being reminded not be angered by the process that lead to blessing. Forced to find the Spirit of Job in me, maintain a Spirit of supplication and worship during trial knowing that the end will be greater than the beginning, even when it does not look like it.
Yesterday evening was Encounter and for two very chaotic weeks I was under the impression that I would and was asked to miss Encounter for a work meeting, so I begrudgingly made adjustments and mentally prepared. In the final hour of work yesterday it came to my attention, that I would not have to attend the meeting, and I was angered. How utterly disrespectful, it is never appropriate to wait until the last minute to tell someone anything, it is rude, inconsiderate, thoughtless and some other adjectives like foul as well. Of course the blessing was that I could attend Encounter the process of getting there sucked and in my frustration I have to admit, it was hard to see the blessing.
Then came the word, the song and the note:
The WORD: Persevere
The SONG: Amazing Grace
The NOTE: Support and Encouragement
My frustration was written all over my face last night, and I decided about two years ago to be emotionally honest (e.g., if I am not fine, I will not say I am). At the start of Encounter the handshaking, hugging phase, Pam told me to persevere, my reaction was one of angst (I publicly apologize) but that word. God is beating with that word, and I get it at the weirdest moments from people who know the story and who do not, from friends and strangers, so I know its God. But in that word even with my angst I move closer to my spiritual center and further from the breaking point. As I found my center Curtis began to lead us in Amazing Grace. The lyrics were cleansing almost like bleach for my insides, simply calming, finally came Holy Communion and Pam passed me a note, words of support and encouragement. A subtle reminder that God knows how to meet the needs of those of us who call him Father. I needed in Encounter last night; I needed to encounter perseverance, amazing grace, support, and encouragement. I needed to share my pending trip to Portland with Rachel. I needed Shanna to remind me that yes God is pushing right out of my job and into his purpose for my life.
Hebrews 10:24-25 (New International Version)
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing,
but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching.